the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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