my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize