sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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