so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
