i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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