so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
