Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
