i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
