Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize