so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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