I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
