But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
