I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
