I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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