Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
