You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
