are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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