It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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