On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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