my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
