I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
