This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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