can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
