brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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