she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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