fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
