This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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