She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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