He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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