we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
