We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
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