he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
