everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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