Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize