There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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