NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
