Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
okay pat passed out under dana's car
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
