I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
