All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
