Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
