it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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