I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The ass gains better be worth it
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