I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
