so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
