Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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