you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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