she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
