I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
