I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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