Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
