If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
3pm strippers are depressing
What drink are we having for lunch?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
