Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
