I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This baby is an asshole
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
