If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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