Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
