Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
