Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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