my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
