Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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