she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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